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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
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One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Tuesday April 7th 2020

Using Children to Control the Other Parent – Wrong!

mom says

You won’t see me often writing about the celebrity lifestyle or the personal lives of celebrities because I just don’t relate.  I don’t have the fame, money or lifestyle to be able to compare or even opine if what they are doing is right or wrong. However, that being said, I will comment on the Tiger Woods divorce settlement because divorce and children is what I know.

I have 4 children and there are 3 fathers.  I have for the last 16 years dealt with children, child support, child custody, and visitation.  I have dealt with the legal, emotional, physical and ever changing aspects of being divorced and having children.  I can say and my exes will attest that we have a good working relationship when it comes to our children.  Sure we have our moments but we ultimately work together and set our personal differences aside.

I am a strong advocate of children having both their parents in their lives unless it would put the children in unnecessary danger.  I think there are men and women out there who make horrible partners and/or husbands and wives but those same men and women are, in fact, stellar parents.

I don’t care about Elin’s silence being bought for $750 Million.  That is between Elin and Tiger.  What has me bothered is the clause that Tiger cannot have girlfriends around his children.  Children should NEVER be used to control another person.  That is what is going on in this divorce with this agreement.

Tiger cheated, he was wrong, there is no denying that and he doesn’t deny it.  To now, say he is not responsible enough as a parent to make proper choices about his personal life where his children are concerned because he cheated is asinine.  So he was a bad husband, so what, he isn’t the first and he won’t be the last.

When I first got divorced, it wasn’t all smooth sailing.  My ex-husband wanted an accounting of every dime I spent of child support and what it was spent on.  He was told no by the judge.  The judge explained that I don’t have to account to him for my finances unless there was proof the children were going without or not being properly cared for.  There was no such claim by my ex husband he was just being a jerk at the time and wanted to control me.

When my second oldest child was an infant, my ex had a fit because I had men in my house with our son there.  It was my birthday and some friends stopped by with pizza.  I left the house to go to the corner store and get some soda.  My ex flipped at me 1) having men in my house and 2) leaving our son with these men while I went to the store.  That ended in court and him being told he was wrong.  Again, unless there was proof our son was not being cared for properly, my ex had no say over my personal life.

I don’t think any custody agreement should include control over a parents personal life unless there is some proof that the children are in danger.  There is no evidence that Tiger was a bad father.  Why should Elin have any say over who Tiger can and can’t bring around his children?  She may not like his choice of girlfriends or the jobs they hold but she divorced Tiger so it is now none of her business.

I think a good majority of men get shafted when it comes to their children.  The courts don’t exactly favor a father’s parental rights or give them the same consideration that they give mothers.  I can understand why Tiger agreed to this clause because he was probably told that the courts would grant it by his own laywers.  He wants to see his children and like a lot of fathers, he agreed to whatever terms he needed to, in order to make seeing his children possible.

I find it despicable for one parent to use their children to control another parent in any way.  If there is evidence the parent is a bad parent then by all means safety precautions should be put in place.  However, to create a clause to limit a parents right to access to their children if they don’t do what makes the other parent happy is wrong.  A divorce is just that, a divorce.  Once you get divorced you no longer have a say over the life of the other parent.  You have a say over your children’s safety, well-being, and proper care but if the other parent is providing all of those things then you have no say over anything else.

There is no harm in Tiger introducing or having girlfriends around his children regardless of who they are.  Tiger has the right as a father to make the proper choices for his children.  As there has been no evidence to even suggest he has been anything other than a good father this clause is just plainly wrong.

I remember the judge in my second oldest child’s case clearly explaining that my choices of company whether they be men or women where in fact my choices and my ex had no say.  If he could prove that I was making choices that endangered my children then he could argue that I wasn’t fit to care for my children.  Until that time he needed to mind his own business.

You may not like the new girlfriend/boyfriend in your exes life.  You may not care for the friends the other parent chooses.  Fact is you don’t have to like them but you have to respect that your ex is entitled to live their life just as you are entitled to live yours.  Using your children as pawns to exert control over your ex is wrong.  You may not like it but suck it up and deal with it.  If your ex is a good parent then leave them alone to be that good parent and focus on your own life.  Don’t limit access to the children because you don’t like the kind of spouse they were.

All custody and visitation decisions and agreements should be based on the type of parent each parent is not on the type of person.  The worst spouse can at the same time be the ultimate and best parent.  This is one of those cases.  This is one of those cases where a good parent is being treated like a bad parent because they were a bad spouse.  Having access to your children limited because you were simply a bad spouse is a punishment that goes beyond common sense and good and healthy child rearing.

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Reader Feedback

11 Responses to “Using Children to Control the Other Parent – Wrong!”

  1. Grayson says:
    Fantastic!!! I found this on Reddit and was surprised it was written by a woman. Not that I am bitter or have anything against women but usually you stick together and support each other on this kind of stuff. It is fantastic to see a woman standing up and saying this kind of crap is wrong. Most woman end up with custody and they are usually the ones who are using the kids to make dads’ feel guilty or control their lives long after they are divorced. My ex-wife has been doing it to me for 7 years.
  2. Tekmo says:
    Hey fellow Redditor I saw this one too and thought it was cool to see a woman was the author. Men get the shaft when it comes to divorce especially with the kids. I had a controlling ex too and she made my life hell for 13 years and that was after the divorce.

    The good news is my kids are grown now and see her for what she is and what she was doing. Kids aren’t stupid and once they start to grow up and get older they realize what has been going on. She didn’t only try to control my life she tried to control theirs as well. They don’t hate her but they resent the time they lost with me because of all her game playing.

    The worst part is that the courts keep letting parents get away with this kind of bullshit. It is obvious the kids are being used as bargaining chips and to try and run the other parents life but the courts do nothing about it and even support it.

  3. Laborin says:
    Gatorade recently terminated its sponsorship agreement with Tiger Woods along with dropping the saying, “Is it in you?” Nike will keep Tiger as a spokesman and stay with the saying, “Just do it.”
  4. Jin Fleshlight says:
    I’m not sure why Tiger is apologizing to the world. He betrayed his beautiful wife and his loving children and he needs to answer to them. He probably cost his sponsors tens of millions of dollars but the rest of us just need to remember our own shortcommings and forget about Tiger.
  5. Poet497836 says:
    He is a sex addict and shouldn’t get to see his kids at all till he gets some treatment. All of you supporting him are stupid.
    • mikeylee31 says:
      No one ever said he was a sex addict including him so get your facts straight. Even if he is, does that mean he shouldn’t get to see his kids? He messed up big time but that doesn’t mean there should be so many restrictions put on seeing his kids. Dude he can’t have any women around his kids unless she approves of them first, telling me that isn’t controlling his life to the extreme.
    • nick4753 says:
      You are the stupid one just because someone cheats on their spouse doesn’t make them a sex addict. Sex addiction is real but a lot of cheaters use it as an excuse for their crappy behavior.

      He cheated on his wife something men do far too often but that is all it was. Making it difficult to spend time with his kids because of it, wrong!

      You missed the point entirely. It isn’t all about Tiger or cheating spouses. The point being made is one parent shouldn’t be allowed to control another parent’s life. Saying a parent has to live exactly like the other parent wants or they can’t see their kids is a bunch of hooey period.

  6. Edwin Arhart says:
    Tiger Woods was an idiot. I mean come on how did he think he could get away with cheating he is a celebrity. The average man gets caught and they don’t have cameras and paparazzi following them around everywhere they go. Elin was right to put that clause in the divorce agreement who wants strippers and skanks around their children. This isn’t about keeping the children from him it is about keeping them away from his bad judgment. I wouldn’t want my ex having that kind of low class trash around my children.
  7. irritated says:
    Because the man is a celebrity he should get special treatment?!?! WTF is wrong with you people. He cheated on his wife and because of that she divorced him AND she is making sure her kids are safe from his selfish behavior. Good for her for thinking of the kids welfare because it is clear that he wasn’t.
  8. Lynd341 says:
    I have always wondered how parents get away with this kind of stuff, it has been going on for years. Kids are used all the time in divorce and not just to control the other parent. They are little pawns in the chess game of divorce and it is sad it still goes on.

    We are such a celebrity driven soceity though it doesn’t surprise me. We see stories all the time of celebrities using their kids in the big celebrity divorces and the public never gets outraged or when they do it is at the wrong parent. I remember the big blow up with Alec Baldwin a few years back. His wife had been keeping the kid from him for years and making his life miserable. When he finally explodes the media and the public jump all over him and say nothing about her actions.

  9. Kevin says:
    Great post. Wish someone would tell this to my son’s mother.

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