Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful

One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Thursday July 18th 2019

They Made Me Yell At Them

mom says

Yesterday was the kind of day that made me feel like I have completely and totally failed at being a parent.  I know people will say kids are kids and not to stress it but I am stressing it.  Yesterday, I don’t know who was in my house and in my kitchen but it wasn’t my children.  It is like aliens took over their bodies, minds and souls.

To Paul – yes I yelled at them.  I know you said not to yell at them and I have been great about not yelling at them but not last night.  I yelled and I made threats that I can never follow through on and I yelled some more.  The whole time I could hear you in my head telling me not to yell at them and I did it anyways.

The day didn’t start out perfectly but it got better quickly.  I got the kitchen clean top to bottom, laundry done, bills paid, services ordered and canceled, work done on the website, and the house ready for install techs coming.  It actually turned out to be a banner day.  The kids came home and I had to go run some errands.  It was my final thing to clear my list for the day.  Being busy all day, I decided to get the kids fast food for dinner on the way home.  I didn’t want to mess up the kitchen and I was tired.  Productivity is great but tiring.

Before I went to do my errands, I reminded the kids the install techs were coming and to not mess up the house.  They asked if they could make some muffins for a snack.  I figured a bowl and a muffin pan weren’t that big of a deal to clean up, so told them they could.  When I got home, the kids took the bags of fast food and disappeared.  I didn’t go into the kitchen or living room.  I went to my desk which is in my bedroom.  I wouldn’t venture into those other areas until after 9pm.  Until after the kids were already in bed.  I went in to make sure they had thrown away their trash and cleaned up the muffin pan and bowl.  They hadn’t and it was much much much worse.

In the living room were dirty socks and clothes, dishes and cups everywhere.  X-Box remotes laying about.  A hallway, the techs would have to walk down, full of more dirty clothes that the kids had collected.  Clothes they hadn’t bothered to put in the laundry baskets so when I did laundry throughout the day it was all done.  These were clothes they had left in their closets or behind doors or goodness knows where.

I walked into my kitchen and it looked like a bomb had gone off.  The double sink was full of dishes with food in them and on them on both sides of the sink.  The dishes were just thrown in there every which way.  More dishes on the counter and stove.  Eggs shells on the counter top.  A microwave that looked like someone just smeared spaghetti sauce all over the inside of it.  Counter tops with sticky chocolate syrup, tea bags, spilt cereal, spilt milk and french fries.  Four different bowls on the counter and freezer with left over muffin mix in them.  My stove looking like something had been set on fire on top of it.  And the floor, the floor that had been swept and mopped just that morning, had paper trash, fallen french fries, pieces of ramen noodles, empty wrappers, two bathroom towels and a piece of glass.  The trash bag had been removed from the trash can and just set in the corner overflowing with trash.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  My kids wouldn’t do this.  My kids knew better than to do this on any day and especially not a day that I have told them was important to keep it clean and tidy.  Not my kids.  But it was them, there was no denying it was them.  I felt like I failed as a parent.  What would make my kids do all this stuff and leave such a mess when they knew how much I had done and how important it was to keep it clean and tidy?

I called them out of bed to come into the kitchen and explain.  They were hungry.  That was the answer I got.  They…were…hungry.  I could tell from the trail of food and wrappers and trash exactly what they cooked or prepared to eat.  You would have thought from the looks of the kitchen that these kids hadn’t eaten in a year.  That they were near starved to death and the sight of food made them go crazy and cook and prepare any and every thing they could get their little hands on.

This is when I yelled.  I didn’t yell out of anger it was out of disbelief.  Where were my children?  What was wrong with the children standing in front of me?  Why did they do this to my kitchen, living room and hallway and on this day of all days?  They didn’t even show any remorse.  I didn’t raise my kids like this.  Where is the respect for me, our home or themselves?  I didn’t get it, I don’t get it.  These are not the kids I raised but there they were my kids.  I feel like I have just failed for them to not just think it was ok to do but actually do it.

It took me 45 minutes to clean up their mess.  I know you are wondering why I cleaned it up and didn’t make them do it.  Time, I didn’t have time.  By the time I finished yelling at them and threatening them it was after 10pm and they needed to go to bed for school.  I couldn’t just leave it because I have technicians coming.  Yeah I could have probably left it and explained it was my kids and I was leaving it for them to clean up.  It was so bad though it was beyond embarrassing.  Not just the mess itself but that my kids felt it was ok to do it.  I contemplated taking pictures to go with this article and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  It was beyond disgusting and I don’t ever want any person to see any part of my home like that regardless of it not being me that did it.

I am still upset about it.  It isn’t just the mess there are other ramifications of this.  I am looking to go back to work and I have been limiting my availability to during school hours so I would be home in the evening with them.  I recently made the decision to expand that search into evening hours as well.  I felt that I had gotten them to a good place.  A place of responsibility and respect.  A place where I could trust them not to do stuff like this.  If that is the chaos that will occur when I am not here, there is a problem.  I thought I had taught them better.  I thought they knew better.  I thought they could be left alone while I went and ran some errands and not destroy our house and kitchen.  I thought wrong.

Now I have to go back and try to figure out where I messed up.  What did I do or say that gave them the impression that what they did tonight is acceptable on any level.  A year ago, I would have had to take the blame.  It would have really been my fault because I didn’t push them to clean up, I did it all.  I didn’t have firm rules and consequences in place.  I wasn’t consistent.  But a year ago Paul came into my home and my life and things changed.  He showed me the difference firm rules and consequences can make.  He helped me see how ineffective yelling and empty threats were and how follow through and consistency were key.  A year ago, it would have been my fault.  Yesterday, it should have never happened.  It wasn’t just one rogue kid, it was all of them.

Now I am sitting here, writing this and wondering.  What do I do now?  Where did I go wrong?  How do I fix this?  They were doing so well, I just don’t know what happened.  It is almost like they did it on purpose.  They swear they didn’t realize they were making such a mess.  I could get on board with that but once they were done and saw the mess they had made, why leave it?  Why not clean it up?  I got a bunch of shrugs and a few I am sorrys.

It is after midnight and a new day has started.  I am going to try to start over with it.  There needs to be some type of consequence for what they did but I don’t even know where to begin right now.  I shouldn’t have yelled at them but that ship has sailed.  I was wrong about that and will apologize for that but there still needs to be consequences.  I don’t want to punish them out of anger or my feelings of failure but I do want them to have to answer for what they have done and suffer the consequence.

I am going to sleep on it and give it some thought.  In the meantime, any ideas or suggestions anyone has, I would love to hear.  I wouldn’t just love to hear them, I need to hear them as I am just not sure what to do at the moment.

momwine glass

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2 Responses to “They Made Me Yell At Them”

  1. Mom of two teens says:
    I love this article. I have had several moments like this. I call it the food massacre. I ask them one time, do you HATE food? Because it looks like you beat it all over the place. It is like they open the packages and then yell OPA!!!! and shake it all over the place! There was food on the cabinet, the floor, the wall INSIDE THE CUTLERY DRAWER!!. I could not believe it, and dont get me started on the trail of socks and what the bathroom and bedrooms look like. I am constantly having them stop and clean, but still nothing changes, and I have pictures. : Would love to share….Thank you for this article. I have had those yell moments, when you like WHY WHY WHY and I have made myself very very clear about what is expected. I have been told it is a teen thing, and they will snap out of it. I am afraid I will snap permanently waiting for this miracle of all miracles…..
  2. rae says:
    This sounds like my house an i try so hard and i feel like im talkin to a brick wall, I am happy all the time except at home at the moment i get so angry at them, an then i hate my self for days… They come good for a little while its seems to go in fazes. mine are 12 and 14..I m really not sure what to do ? but id just like to say i feel for u and understand, in a world where everyones says they re just kids

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