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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful

One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Monday August 19th 2019

We Don’t Teach Kids Violence

mom says
I wrote an article not long past that spanking doesn’t create violence and showed that the results are pretty much consistent with that conclusion.  People disagree and that is their right to disagree.  They present arguments that spanking does create violence and the reason we are seeing an increase in violence has nothing to do with not spanking.  Well if you say that spanking is the reason why children are violent and you take away spanking and children become more violent – how can you still reason, with a straight face, that spanking is what causes children to be violent?

Of course they then concede that it is not only spanking but a plethora of things we teach children that make them violent, but spanking is still high up on the list.  I disagree entirely.  Children are not taught to be violent.  It is inherent and we are born with the ability and display violent behavior long before we are ever taught or even understand what violence is.

For the anti-spanking people, researchers and experts who put forth this belief that violence is taught, I seriously question whether they have ever actually been in the presence of a baby.  Babies often get angry and frustrated, when that happens they instinctively lash out at whatever is causing their anger or frustration. They are not trying to harm it is just an instinctive response.

Babies and small children display violent behavior and tendencies from birth.  We have a hard time grasping this because we have been taught that violence is a learned behavior taught to children.  We also see babies as innocent until sullied by some adult, environment or other taught behavior.  Babies are innocent in the sense that they are not intentionally being violent to cause harm to another but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that they are violent.

We can look to babies and toddlers and see that we don’t teach them violence.  When a baby or toddler throws a tantrum because they are not getting what they want or are not understood, they didn’t learn this from their parents.  We would have to believe that all parents throw tantrums with their babies from the start or else how could they know how to do it, it is taught remember.  That is a ridiculous notion.  Yet it is what people are believing.  So every time you see a baby or a small child throw a tantrum you would also have to see a parent who did the same thing in order for the baby to know how to do it.  See how the facts don’t fit the theories?  Or maybe you as a parent did lay on the floor kicking and screaming in front of your baby when you didn’t get your way. I doubt it.

Since all babies have violent tendencies from birth to point to two children, one being violent and the other not and say well the violent one was spanked and the non-violent one wasn’t therefore spanking teaches violence is crazy.  They don’t look at whether these children were taught how to deal with their violent tendencies or how parents reacted toward violent tendencies when these children were babies.  The experts ignore these factors because they don’t fit with the conclusion they want to put forth.  Environment, economic status, and genetics are just some of the other things that can lead to a child not learning how to properly control violent tendencies whether they were spanked or not.

This whole notion of violence has to be taught to children is put forth because it demonizes corporal punishment and violence in any manner.  The experts pat themselves on the back for putting forth the cause of violence and then people pass it on like it is the gospel.  The experts have no idea, they are merely trying to answer questions that have plagued human existence since the beginning of time.  They reason that violence is taught and they even do studies to back up their reasoning but that facts don’t fit with their theories.  Violence and violent tendencies still exist even in a peaceful person, they just have learned how to effectively deal with the natural violent tendencies that reside in us all.

What we truly seek and need to address is how to teach children not to be violent instead of hanging on to this notion that we teach them to be violent.  I will certainly concede that some actions taken with kids can induce more violent reactions than others and shouldn’t be used but it still doesn’t detract from the fact that babies start out violent from birth.  Babies will become more violent if not taught how to control and recognize inherent violent tendencies leading to violent children and violent adults.

Religion, Evolution and History

Whether you are a believer in the religious doctrine of God created man or evolution the facts are there that violence has always been an inherent trait in humans.  Just take a look back through history.


If you look to the Christian religion we are all born with the stain of Original Sin.  The goal is to overcome sin, to fight the inclination and propensity toward all types of sinful behavior, violence being one of them.

In religion exist the story of Cain and Abel.  It is a common story among different religions.  Cain killed Abel.  Now if you fervently believe in the bible and that man is the creation of God and that violence is taught then you would have to believe that Adam or Eve were violent because God taught them to be violent.  So Cain learned this behavior from his parents who learned it from God of course because no one else existed before Adam and Eve.  There is nothing in the bible to suggest this is so.  Cain was the first religious figure to commit murder and display violent tendencies.  Since there was nowhere for him to learn violent behavior from the only conclusion is that it always existed inside him.

If you follow this theory of violence is taught then how did violence ever come about?  If no one knew how to be violent then who taught them?  Do you see how the theory fails?  If that theory were true we would have no violence in the world because no one would have know how to be violent to begin with.  But a simple look around tells that violence does exist so it had to start somewhere.  That somewhere was inside each and every one of us not from some taught behavior.


If you reject the biblical theories of how humans came about and instead go with evolution the facts are still the same.  Evolution is predicated on the theory that we evolved from animals and survival of the fittest.  You don’t have to look hard or infer much of anything to see that violence is inherently inside of us all and we are born with the tendencies.

Essentially the theory is we come from animals and at our base are animals, just highly evolved thinking and reasoning animals.  In every species of animal, violence exist it is not taught.  Violence is part of nature.  When any animal of any species is threatened or angry it has a countering violent response that is completely natural and not taught.  Yet we somehow believe that humans who are animal at base have to be taught violence.

If you look at survival of the fittest it is impossible to reason that violence is taught.  It is instinct to preserve life.  The strong survive the weak perish.  It is not solely about endurance that one can outlast the other.  Throughout the ages it was the groups that hunted and gave into their violent tendencies that survived.  Animals go by instinct and since we are at our base just animals we too go by instinct.  We have learned new behaviors as we have evolved and we have learned that violence is not the only way but that goes back to learning not to be violent not being taught to be violent.

If you go by survival of the fittest, you need only to look at babies.  Look at them, when they aren’t fed they instinctively cry out, flail their arms and kick their little legs.  That is a violent response.  They are starving they need food they want to survive.  It is all they know how to instinctively do.  A baby without this instinct would surely have perished.  We teach them how to talk and communicate in less violent fashions to get food.  Once babies learn that just a cry will get them food they flail their arms and kick their feet less.  Just watch a baby and see that violence is there from the start and it is the way we respond to their violent actions that teaches them not to be violent.  It is not that we taught them to cry and flail their arms and legs when needing food they just do it from the beginning.


History has taught use that man was a barbarian long before he was civilized.  Men were taught to be civilized.  There are so many historical accounts of the good civilized people going into areas and taming the savage.  The savage existed on its own and without being taught to be civilized would have remained a savage.  No one taught them to be savages to survive it is just what they were.  Civilized men were taught to be civilized.

Wars have been fought since the beginning of time.  Men have used violence since the beginning of time to expand their property, get food, dominate over the weak and preserve their own life.  This all peace mentality is inconsistent with history.  You don’t read historical accounts of wars being won through rainbows and butterflies and singing peaceful chants in a drum circle.  That isn’t how wars were won.  The people who relied on peace lost the wars.

We kill others and we justify the killing of others as a necessity in war.  If that isn’t giving into our violent tendencies I don’t know what is.  This has gone on since the beginning of time.  Whether you choose to go with the religious view or the evolution view it remains the same.  The violent tendencies always existed first they weren’t taught.  History has taught us that we learned to be civilized by learning to control the violent tendencies.  Humans learned to use reason and logic when confronted by their own violent tendencies using them less and less for survival and relying on more civilized ways.

What Is Violence?

I won’t suggest that we don’t create more violence or enhance violent tendencies through our actions.  We can certainly do things that give way to children being more violent.  If we don’t teach them how to deal with their feelings and tendencies of violence then of course they can become more violent.  A child raised in a poor environment or one plagued with violence will certainly give into violent tendencies more so than a child raised in a peaceful environment.  But you can raise a child in a peaceful environment and not teach them how to deal with their innate violent tendencies and that child will be violent as well.  So we can affect our children’s behavior.  We can make them more violent or less violent but fact is the violent tendencies are there and we have to cultivate the behavior and response we want.  The seed is planted at birth, how you grow it is the issue.

The question is what is violence?  Violence has been defined as such:

1.    a : exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse
b : an instance of violent treatment or procedure
2.    : injury by or as if by distortion, infringement, or profanation : outrage
3.    a : intense, turbulent, or furious and often destructive action or force
b : vehement feeling or expression : fervor; also : an instance of such action or feeling
c : a clashing or jarring quality : discordance

By the definition babies aren’t violent and their tendencies aren’t violent so the people who want you to believe violence is taught jump up and down screaming that I just disproved my own argument.  However, they are wrong.  Fact is if a baby is left to just grow without any instruction, the violent tendencies will become violence by the definition.  They will react to situations and reason that their violent reactions are correct because they were never taught otherwise.  The fact that a baby left to grow without instruction will become a violent child or adult proves that the violent tendencies were always present so violence is not a taught behavior.

We need to focus less on finding the “cause” of violent behavior because fact is we all are born with violent tendencies.  We need more focus on how to effectively teach children how to overcome and deal with those violent tendencies.  We don’t punish that baby that flails his arms and legs because he is hungry, we respond to the baby’s needs and the baby learns not to flail their arms and legs.  When children exhibit violent behaviors or tendencies toward violent behavior we need to worry less about what made them have the tendencies and worry more about how to teach them to cope with those tendencies and feelings that made them react violently.  We need to teach them to overcome that instinctive reaction and replace it with a more appropriate response.

We are no longer barbarians, we have become a civilized people but we still have the same instincts.  Instincts that were necessary for survival but aren’t as necessary now.  We need to teach each generation how to overcome those instincts and tendencies.  Eventually just as the baby learns that flailing their arms and legs is not necessary to get food, so will we as a people evolve beyond the violent instincts we have.  The more evolved we become the more we recognize that other means are available and violence is not needed.  We aren’t there yet and have a ways to go but we can get there through teaching our children generation after generation to be more civilized.   We need to stop spending all our time trying to find out why our kids turn violent or how we are teaching them to be violent when in fact they don’t turn violent as they always were and we didn’t teach them violence we failed to teach them not be violent.  We need to figure out how to support parents in teaching their children how to be civilized and overcome those violent tendencies not blame parents as being the sole cause.
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