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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful

One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Wednesday June 26th 2019

Shared Parenting

Shared parenting refers to an arrangement in child custody determinations in which the care of the children is equally or as equally as possible shared between the parents.

There are three main categories involved in shared parenting: visitation, custody and child support. Understanding those three categories and the expectations and ways to deal with the issues involved with them can make shared parenting easier on everyone involved, especially the children.

In my opinion, it is in the best interest of the children to have shared parenting across the board. Children benefit when they have all the possible parents they could have involved and working together to ensure their success. I say all possible parents because there are step-parents, grandparents, godparents, adoptive parents, foster parents as well as biological parents. If the children’s biological parents make the best decision in regards to their children then all the other “parents” will be able to follow that lead and help ensure the children’s success in life.

Although I am very much in favor of shared parenting there are times when it is not a viable option. If it can’t be done don’t let it hold you back. A solely single parent can raise a child just as well as a happily married couple. There are some articles on how to deal with being a sole parent when the other parent just won’t be there or it is not in the best interest of the children to allow the other parent to be there.

Every child is unique and there is no one way to parent when you are married or divorced. There are some better ways and there are certainly worse ways. What you will find here can help you see the theory behind some of the shared parenting issues and better equip you to decide what will work best for your family and your children. Whenever possible, children do best when they have all of their parents involved in their lives so regardless of your court ordered custody titles and conflicts try shared parenting.

UPDATE TO THIS POST:  For some ideas on how to draft a parenting plan please check out  the article Parenting Plan.  It has been stuck in internet limbo but I have finally freed it and now it is available directly on the site.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Reader Feedback

11 Responses to “Shared Parenting”

  1. Emmaline Heiss says:
    I agree wholeheartedly with the concept of shared parenting but there is not a lot of information on how to put it into action. I can find things on all three seperately but I would be interested in seeing how you put them all together in a working plan.
  2. Jackie says:
    Divorce is common now so it still amazes me we don’t have a better system and laws in place to deal with the kids of divorce. I found this post and think it is great. I can’t wait to see more.

    Going through my divorce the focus was who got custody of the kids and once the judge decided that it was over. The judge assigned custody, support and visitation which left hard feelings with my ex and his family who thought the judge’s decisions were unfair. They now have little to do with the kids.

    I wish I had come across this before because my ex and I could have created our own plan instead of relying on lawyers and judges. In the moment you don’t realize the damage that can come out of letting the system make such important decisions about your kids.

    I read another post about what to do when the parent doesn’t visit and I can only hope in time my ex and his family will come around and realize the judges’ decision wasn’t my fault or the kids and be more involved with them.

    I recommened any parent going through or even thinking about divorce to try and work out a plan for your kids instead of letting the system decide for you. Like it says a kid can’t have too many *parents* in their life.

    • mom says:
      Jackie you don’t have to wait for your ex to come around if you think you two can work out your own plan. Sit down with your ex and talk to him about creating a parenting plan now. Parents sometimes mistakenly think once a judge has set the order that it takes an act of God to change it. That really isn’t so if both the parents agree.

      If you can talk with your ex and come up with a plan that better fits your lives and your kids lives then do it now. You can jointly submit it the clerk of courts to add to your case file and be reviewed by the judge. Usually you don’t even need a court hearing.

      It is never too late to try and make things better for you and your children.

  3. melanie64 says:
    I agree with the others this is a good concept….but doesn’t this only work if you can get the other parent to agree? My soon to be ex and I can’t agree on anything, sad I know, but I don’t want the same old court ordered visitation either. I have seen so many friends get the bare minimum and the dads rarely get to see their kids. My kids love their dad and I am just afraid he is going to end up with next to nothing because we can’t be in the same room together for 10 minutes without a fight now. Is there any way to get a judge to agree to a plan even if the other parent won’t cooperate?
    • mom says:
      Yes yes and yes you can. Contrary to popular belief judges don’t like making these decisions and would rather have the parents agree. If you can provide a good parenting plan even if the other parent is not 100% on board a judge can agree with it.

      Divorce is rough and too often we can’t get past the emotional aspects of what is going on to think clearly about what is best for our children. If you and your husband can’t even talk try using a third party, like a family member or good friend. Lawyers are not my favorite or first choice but they can be used as well.

      Have you tried mediation? Family law judges can order mandatory mediation and with a professional mediator you can get alot accomplished.

      If none of that works and you still can’t communicate with your husband and work out an agreement and a judge won’t accept an alternate plan, you might have to go with the standard court ordered visitation for awhile. When things have calmed and aren’t as emotionally charged you can revisit the issue.

      Custody, visitation and child support are not set in stone. They can always be revisited and they can be modified. It would be wonderful to get the perfect plan set up from day one but sometimes that isn’t always possible. When that happens do the best you can with what you have got to work with and try to make better later.

      A point that parents miss is that most visitation agreements are the minimum of what you have to follow. There is nothing that says you can’t offer more time. I recommend highly having a set agreement AND I recommend being flexible. As long as you are ensuring the minimum is met no one is going to punish you for allowing more time outside of that minimum.

  4. krushts says:
    Ok you talk a good game but how do you do it? My lawyer keeps telling me the best I can hope for is every other weekend and holidays. Sorry but that is a load of crap. The child support and custody are not an issue but the visitation is becoming a huge sore spot. There are 720 hours in an average month and all I am going to get is 96 of those hours. She is being reasonable and I showed her this post and we talked but have no idea how to even start and neither of our lawyers is being helpful when we mentioned doing our own agreement. I have looked elsewhere and get the same kind of article of how beneficial it is to work together but not a whole lot on how to work together. It would be helpful if you could provide some more information or maybe an example of how to make shared parenting work.
    • mom says:
      I have to apologize for dropping the ball here. I have a very good article on how to draft a parenting plan but unfortunately it is stuck in transit from the old site to this one. For now if anyone would like a copy of it I can email it to you directly until I can get it unstuck and posted. Drop me an email at mom@moversus.com and just put parenting plan in the subject and I will send it out.
      • krushts says:
        Great I just sent you an email with both mine and my wife’s email addresses. If you could send it to both of us we would grateful.
      • Karen Waters says:
        Thank you so much for emailing the article. You really need to get that article posted it is perfect. I took it to mediation gave it to my husband and said why can’t we do this. We sat with the mediator and went down the list, by the end we had a pretty darn good agreement. The mediator even asked to make a copy of it. Seriously great job and I can’t thank you enough.
  5. Temika Karpf says:
    I’m glad I chose to read this one. Nice work!
  6. Tawnya says:
    My ex and I have never seen eye to eye when the kids are concered. In our divorce he got everything and we have to share week on week off parenting time. The kids hate it and want to spend the school weeks with me. How do I change that??? Please help

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