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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
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One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Wednesday February 20th 2019

Response To Spanking

mom says

I wrote the post Spanking Doesn’t Teach Violence – The Proof Is In and the response has been overwhelming.  I should say the private response.  I have gotten tons of emails agreeing with my general point on the issue.  I have also gotten tons that disagree.  Fact is there are many people who agree with spanking as they have seen the results of not spanking.  The problem is the anti-spanking movement did such an effective job at vilifying spanking as a disciplinary tool, that most people don’t want to publicly state they agree with spanking and be ostracized by society.  I don’t care obviously.

The Anti-Spanking Movement that started back in the ’80s has been a force to be reckoned with.  They brought out tons of studies and statistics on brightly colored charts and insisted that kids were violent and aggressive because of the use of corporal punishment (spanking).  Sounds worse when you call it corporal punishment.  The majority of their studies were commissioned and done by anti-spanking doctors and researchers who wanted the outcome to be that spanking was wrong.  Even the American Academy of Pediatrics reversed it’s stand on spanking largely due to the influence of the anti-spanking movement.

What is spanking?

The anti-spanking followers like to define spanking in the broadest terms possible to put it on level with child abuse.  The general definition by the anti-spanking movement is “any disciplinary hitting of children that is not injurious or considered abusive.”  Spanking is not defined as “hitting” anywhere else.  Hitting opens the door to so many different acts.

The word spank dates back to 1727 and comes from England.  It was defined as such: “To spank, to slap with the open hand.”  Throughout the 1900s, pediatric societies came into existence and gave a more specific definition such as: “disciplinary spanking is physically non-injurious, administered with an open hand to the buttocks, and intended to modify behavior.”

The anti-spanking movement wanted to vilify spanking as a practice so they defined it terms to demonize it.  The broad definition given by the movement made it sound like spanking was beating a child without leaving a mark.  Their definition made it sound like spanking meant you could hit a child in any fashion and anywhere on their body for disciplinary means.  By using the word “hitting” many people agreed that spanking was wrong.  What they were really agreeing to is that spanking under the definition of the anti-spanking movement was wrong.  When defined properly spanking doesn’t sound like the ominous abusive disciplinary tool the anti-spanking movement makes it out to be.

Where are your statistics?

Several emails I received asked for statistics.  I didn’t include statistics because there are so many factors that determine the outcome of a child.  How can anyone point to just one and say that is the cause of all evil?  Studies and statistics can be manipulated and people see what they want to see.  I will let you the reader go in search of studies, if you want them.  There are studies on both sides of the fence, studying the same exact thing, and yet coming out with opposite results.  Which study do you trust?

I believe strongly in real world results.  Look back at kids 20 years ago and see how they behaved.  Now look at kids today and see how they behave.  That is your study.  There is no doubt kids are more violent today.  Teens are especially more violent today.  Look back at the University of Texas clock tower shooting by Charles Whitman.  That shocked a nation, not just the deaths and injuries, but it was being done by a student.  Today, from elementary schools to college campuses we hear about shootings taking place.  We see on the news kids violently attacking other kids and people cheering them on.  Our kids today are more violent and complacent to violence than ever before.  All you have to do is take a look around.

I suggested people look on YouTube to see the violence among kids.  Statistics will only show you the kids who got caught and were documented.  Go on YouTube and see the all the kids that haven’t been caught.  You can look at the police reports and say, “well only three kids were violent in my town”, but how many were violent that didn’t get caught?  Kids today are not even ashamed of the things they are doing.  They readily post their videos on YouTube and other social media websites, proud of what they are doing.

So what is making kids violent?

Lack of discipline.  It is not just that spanking was removed as a disciplinary tool.  The “experts” have been pushing, for years, for a softer and kinder parent.  Parents should raise their child with love because that is all that is needed.  Parents should be more focused on self-esteem and self-worth.  Parents should treat their children the way they treat adults and let them make their own choices yet shield them from the consequences of any bad choice they make.  They are just children after all and it is our job as parents to protect them.  The “experts” tugged at the heartstrings of parents everywhere.  Parents who were strict or enforced rules were damaging their kids.

Kids continued to be violent even after spanking ended.  Kids got more violent.  The “experts” put out new theories and then labeled kids with disorders to continue promoting the softer, kinder parent who raised their kid with love and communication and stayed away from real discipline.  I swear the kids were just an experiment to these “experts”.  Peace and tranquility is wonderful but it is built on rules and society following the rules.  It is not built on everyone just love thy neighbor and it will be all right.

Today there are numerous studies that state all the things that make kids violent.  Here are some of the most common ones:

    Video Games – way up on the list.  These games make kids go crazy.  Supposedly the kids can’t tell the difference between the real world and the game.  Here the solution is to have the parent teach the child the difference, set some rules and boundaries and enforce them.

    Movies – right up there with video games.  Same concept, kids can’t tell the difference between real and a movie.  Here the solution is the same as for video games.

    Cartoons ( my cartoons like bugs bunny and daffy duck) –  The “experts” have weighed in and that Wylie Coyote going after the Roadrunner convinces kids it is ok to be violent.  I was raised on those cartoons as were my peers and we aren’t violent.  The cartoons of today on the other hand are insane but not a problem.  Some of the anime cartoons and that pokemon it is all about battles.  Bugs Bunny was not making kids violent.  Just like video games and movies, parents can set the tone for anything a child sees.

    Candy – yeah candy will make your kids violent so eat it all yourself.  It doesn’t have the same effect on adults just children.  Does that even sound realistic to anyone?  Most candy is sugar or chocolate neither make kids violent.  Hyper definitely – violent no.  But if you are worried then stop giving the kids candy.

    Yelling – it is right up there with spanking now.  Yelling damages kids and makes them violent.  Well if I could spank them then I wouldn’t need to yell at them, right?

Spanking is an effective disciplinary tool

It is written spanking makes kids violent because it teaches them violence.  It is written that spanking teaches kids the only way to resolve a problem is through hitting.  Spanking damages kids emotionally and psychologically so they are more prone to accept violence.  Spanking is abuse.  Parents who use spanking as a disciplinary tool are uneducated and lack parenting skills.  This is what the anti-spanking movement wants you to believe and they have convinced millions of this, just not me and apparently not a lot of you.

Parents still spank their children just less often and fewer parents.  They also do it in private and don’t support it publicly so they don’t have to fear having their kids taken away.  Spanking works and it is effective.  Spanking is actually rarely needed because there are so many other great disciplinary techniques out there that do work.  Sometimes though when all fails spanking is the next best option. I will never say spanking should be used as the go to disciplinary tool. I believe good parenting is using the resources you have in a positive and effective manner. If a time-out will work then do that first. Spanking should always be a last resort and every other disciplinary tool tried first.

I am going to close this out with a real scenario.  I want you to tell me what you would have done in the same scenario.  I will tell you what I would have done and what the experts recommended.

Picture it: you are at the daycare right before closing time to pick up your child.  As you are getting your child ready, another parent enters the room carrying a screaming, kicking, crying, fighting 5 year old whining they want to play with the toys longer.  You watch as the mother uses her best proper parenting voice to try to calm the child.  She tries reasoning with the child, hugging the child and holding them tight, telling the child how good they are and how much they are loved.  The child continues the tirade.  The mother sits the child down in a seat and begins to put the child’s shoes on.  The child starts hitting the mother about the head and shoulders and trying to kick the mother while she desperately tries to get his shoes on.  She continues with the faithful techniques of making eye contact and being on his level and talking in a soothing but firm voice.  None of that is working with this child who just continues lashing out at his mother.

What I would have done: Spanking!!!  At that point this poor mother has done everything right and it is not working.  A quick over the knee spanking is what that child needed in that moment.  He was not physically hurt, there was nothing wrong with him, he was just misbehaving.  The child is already hitting and being violent because this child has already figured out mommy will do nothing more than talk to him.

What the “expert” recommend: Let him work it out for himself.  Explain his behavior is improper and the proper way to get more time to play is to work it out calmly.  Once the child is calm and listening, make a deal with him.  Agree to let the child play with the toys for a set amount of time and then agree to leave when the time is up.  Allow the child some additional time so he knows his wants are being considered.

Now you really don’t want to hear what I have to say about the “experts” recommendation plus this is suppose to be a family website and I think it will lose that label if I do say something.  What would you do in the same scenario?  Would you make the deal and give them more play time to make sure they feel their wants are being considered?  Would you put your foot down and drag them out kicking and screaming bloody murder?  Would you administer a few quick swats to get immediate compliance?

What would you do? Come on over to the forums and voice your opinion and solution to this scenario.

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Reader Feedback

3 Responses to “Response To Spanking”

  1. JonesCJones says:
    Look while spanking might be justified your description of modern “experts” is either a reductio ad absurdum or a straw man. Clearly the child in your story needs discipline. Probably in this instance take the child directly to the car and enforce the consequence upon returning home. Most non-violent advocates I know would say time out, complete isolation for 2 minutes for each year of age.

    You are attacking a straw man–you are comparing spanking to advocates of non-discipline. There are people who believe in non-violent discipline. Maybe once you make a real argument against a real opponent this would be credible. Why not compare an actual non-violent discipline in this scenario to spanking? Clearly non-discipline as movement is dumb and is wide spread but that does not prove your argument.

  2. Very educational blog here. I could not make a much better 1 in the event that my entire life depended on this.
  3. BenFunToWatch says:
    There are striking and disturbing parallels between the late 20th century anti-spanking dynamism and the early 20th century temperance/prohibition movement. Despite male spokesmen, the locus of both reform efforts consisted of a rabid white female cohort. Extremists in both eras made outrageous and unsupportable claims about the supposed evils of their respective targets. In doing so, they managed to persuade policy makers to support a radical agenda that ran counter to public opinion and establish tradition. Both eras saw the establishment of government bureaucracies devoted to enforcing unpopular rules. In the end, as with Prohibition, history will record the anti-spanking movement as having failed to achieve its stated objective in reshaping the world. Only, with anti-spanking, the final verdict will be a little longer in coming.

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