Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful

One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Monday August 19th 2019

Relationships

Dating and a social life when you have kids doesn’t have to be difficult.  Whether you are the custodial parent or non-custodial parent following some easy tips will make it more enjoyable for everyone.  You don’t have to give up a social life just adapt it to your situation.  After all, you may be mom/dad with the kids but you are still a woman/man and those needs should be met as well.  Below are some tips to make having a social life a little easier.

I have been a single mother for 15 years and entered into different relationships.  I was fortunate to have some long term relationships but even within them where many questions.  How do you handle sleep overs?  What about family vacations?  When do you introduce your significant other to the kids?  Everyone has their own ideas and honestly you have to go with what makes you feel comfortable.  You can’t let someone else decide for you.  If it feels wrong then don’t do it.  Here are some rules I followed that made it easier for me. 

  1. You are a single person and entitled to a life outside of your children.  Remember this always!  You are allowed to date, go out dancing,  go to parties and even have sex if you want.

  2. Be honest and upfront from the start.  Lying to anyone is not recommended.  The pressure of keeping up the lies will just make you miserable.  This includes your kids.  Be honest about where you are going and that it is a date or social function.  You are not doing anything wrong.  Your kids will benefit from seeing you being able to have a life.

  3. Even though you are being honest that does not mean you have to introduce everyone you are going out with to your children.  Save the introductions for later when you have established a secure relationship.  In the beginning meet at the place or be ready to leave when they arrive to avoid awkward meetings you are not ready for.

  4. Make sure that you set appropriate times for your social life.  Your kids should take priority.  This doesn’t mean that you have to cancel plans made for last minute events a child schedules but if something is scheduled plan accordingly.

  5. While you are out whether it be a date or just with friends keep the kid talk to a minimum.  I had a 10 minute rule.  Your date or friends don’t want to spend the time listening to you talking about your kids.  This also applies to checking on your kids.  You should have left them with a reliable sitter so you don’t need to constantly interrupt your time out calling to make sure they are ok.

  6. To sleep over or not?  This is different for everyone.  Do not make the first introduction and the first sleep over happen on the same day.  My ex still after 12 years won’t have a woman stay overnight when our kids are with him.  However, he has the luxury of having 26 nights a month without the kids whereas I have 4 nights.  Don’t be pressured and when you are ready prepare the kids for the visit.  By all means use discretion.

  7. Ease the relationship into family events.  In other words don’t force it.  Don’t bring the new boy/girlfriend to family events until your kids have established a good relationship with them.  Especially family vacations.  The kids don’t have to be in love with them but for vacations to be fun for all there needs to be something more.

  8. Don’t stay in a relationship for anyone other than you.  Maybe your kids have met them and care for them but if the relationship is not working for you; end it.  This is not negotiable.  It does no good for you or your children to stay in a relationship that is not working.

  9. Ok this one takes time.  Don’t let your kids control you.  Emotional blackmail is a tool kids use to control you.  They don’t hate you, they aren’t going to miss you so much it hurts, or any of the other wonderful things they say when you go out and they want you to stay home.  When it comes to a boy/girlfriend listen to their feelings, especially if they don’t like them.  Acknowledge they don’t like them and if they can articulate why maybe things can be resolved.  If they can’t then you have to accept they don’t like them and that will be a factor in where your relationship goes but it should NOT dictate it.  Your kids should come first but you are entitled to a life and you are entitled to be happy.  My kids didn’t like one guy I dated and when I asked why they said they didn’t like the way he was with me.  I took a good long hard look at how he was treating me and they had some valid points.  I didn’t end the relationship but instead worked on the issue of how he treated me.  Eventually I realized he would never change and I ended the relationship.  When I would go out and they would complain I would remind them that they enjoyed going to the movies and doing things with their friends and I was allowed the same.

  10. Last but not least….have fun.  Enjoy your time out.  Enjoy your time with your kids.  Enjoy what you do.  Your kids will be happier when they see you happy!

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