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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful

One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Wednesday February 20th 2019

Ines Sainz Needs Assertiveness Training

mom says

I tried in vain to ignore the whole Ines Sainz debacle for several reasons but mainly because it pissed me off and I know I will inevitably say something that will offend the masses.  Oh well, can’t sit silent any longer because it has gone from a debacle to patently ridiculous.

If the Jets players are subjected to sensitivity training and punishment then Mrs. Sainz needs to be subjected to assertiveness training and punishment.  I am not defending the Jets players because they don’t need defending.  They treated Mrs. Sainz in the manner she presented herself.  Sorry ladies but if you present yourself as a sex object then you will be treated as such.  If you don’t wanted to be treated that way, then speak up.

In our society we have taken on this utterly stupid stance that all women are fragile and men are brutes and need to have sensitivity training just to deal with women.  Some of us women, a majority, are not that fragile.  The majority of us women know if we wear a low cut blouse, tight jeans, or a short skirt and stiletto heals we are going to get comments.  If some man makes a comment we find offensive, a good majority us, will tell them they are being offensive and to cut it out.  A great deal of men will respect that and indeed cut it out.

Here are my issues with this whole ordeal in no particular order.

1. The media kept saying she is a mother of three

What does being a mother of three have to do with anything at all?  As a woman and a mother of four I can tell you that I am a woman first and foremost.  Motherhood is a job I do, for free and by choice.  When I am with my kids doing that job I dress like a mom.  When I am away from kids and doing other things I dress for what I am doing, which could be out at a bar, in an office or lunch with friends.  Mrs. Sainz was not out with her children at the zoo or park in mommy mode.  She was on the sidelines of an NFL practice doing her job as a reporter.

By the way, being a mom doesn’t mean you can’t be “hot” or men will suddenly look at you differenty and have instant respect for you as a mom first and foremost.  Being a mother doesn’t make you saint, although not killing my 16 year old when he takes an attitude with me should qualify me for sainthood.  Her being a mother of three is meaningless in this situation.  This portrayl that it somehow has bearing is offensive in itself.  So it would have all been ok if she wasn’t a mother?

2.    The way she was dressed.

Many have called her outfits unprofessional.  Fact is only her employer can really make that call.  If her employer is OK with her outfits then she isn’t dressed unprofessionally.  I know it will seem like semantics but the reality is, she was dressed inappropriately for the situation she was in.  There is a time and a place for every outfit but Mrs. Sainz got this one wrong.

I found her comment that her body is one that can makes jeans stretch, laughable.  Mrs. Sainz here is a little tip for you.  It is not your body, it is the size of jeans you chose.  Next time choose one or two sizes larger then you won’t have that stretching problem.

Mrs. Sainz can dress any way her employer finds acceptable while she is doing her job.  What she can’t do is expect every man on the planet to look at her the same way her employer does.  Men and women make instant judgments about people based on their appearance, that is just a undeniable fact.  Mrs. Sainz was not dressed like the majority of professional sports reporters.  She was dressed in a sexual manner and was treated in a sexual manner.  If she wants to be treated like a sports reporter and not a sexual object then she needs to dress the role.  Appearance is important in any job you do.

People, almost all people male and female, will define you by the way you dress.  It is an age old battle.  No women deserves to be harassed because of the way she is dressed but women can’t discount the way they dress either.  If you dress in a sexual manner you will get treated in such a manner.  Same goes for any type of outfit though. Generally you will be treated in a manner that is similar to your appearance.  So for all the woman out there you have the right to dress any way you want but don’t expect to dress like one thing and be treated like another.

3.    The need for the Jets players to undergo sensitivity training.

I want to say I am not even a Jets fan, the Miami Dolphins are my team, so to see the Jets in hot water, well you know as far as competition goes…hahaha to them.  But allegations of sexual harassment and portraying these men in the manner they are being portrayed just doesn’t sit well in my book.  They acted like men around a “hot” woman.  They said what they said and threw the ball to get a closer look at the “hot” woman on the sideline, seriously how many men wouldn’t have done the same?

Had Mrs. Sainz expressed or shown any discomfort or offense and the players continued then the players should be subjected to punishment and sensitivity training.  Read on to point 4 and see that Mrs. Sainz didn’t allow these players the opportunity to be more sensitive to her level of comfort.  Mrs. Sainz left the playing field wide open and that is her fault and punishing these men will not correct the problem.  The problem lies with Mrs. Sainz.

4.    Mrs. Sainz needs some training of her own.

Mrs. Sainz has chosen a field that involves predominately men.  She is aware she is attractive and appealing to men.  She dresses in a sexual manner (I have no issues with that but there is a time and place).  Now with all that going on, how is it that Mrs. Sainz has failed to learn how to be assertive and preserve her own self respect so others will treat her with the respect she wants?

I have to ask, what would have been the outcome if Mrs. Sainz told the Jets players in the locker room that they were making her feel uncomfortable, instead of tweeting it to strangers who could do nothing about it?  If she was afraid to tell them, how about her male co-workers so they could speak up on Mrs. Sainz behalf?  How were these men suppose to know they were crossing a line and making her uncomfortable if she never said a word?

Mrs. Sainz spoke about just ignoring them.  Have you heard of the term implied consent?  You say nothing and it is assumed it is ok.  It is assumed that you don’t have a problem with the things being said.  She portrays herself as a “hot” sports reporter and she dresses like a “hot” sports reporter and she was treated like one.  When the comments exceeded what she found comfortable, all she had to do was draw the line.  It is respecting yourself and having others follow suit.

We will never know what might have happened had Mrs. Sainz spoken up to the Jets players, instead of tweeting to her fans, because it didn’t happen.  Had she said something, I would like to believe that there would have been instant apologies for making her feel uncomfortable and it would have ended.  I just don’t believe every player in that locker room would have allowed comments to continue if they knew it was making her uncomfortable.  We all know there is that one guy who doesn’t know when to quit but with the number of guys in that locker room, I fail to believe they all would have sat by silently and done nothing if Mrs. Sainz has spoken up.

The men will be given sensitivity training and told not to assume that every women, no matter how they dress, will appreciate the catcalls and comments.  This is confusing for men because a majority of women have no issues with catcalls and comments to an extent.  A good deal of women welcome them and like their own egos being stroked just like men do.  Yet Mrs. Sainz will receive no training at all.

Mrs. Sainz needs to sit through assertiveness training.  She needs to learn to speak up when someone is being disrespectful or makes her uncomfortable.  She was capable of tweeting it to strangers and talking about it on every talk show that would have her but she was unable in the moment to tell these players to back off a little. She needs some training on how to assert herself properly because she is going to encounter more situations just like this one, due to the field she has chosen to work in and the way she portrays herself.

As an aside:  Sexual harassment is unwanted/unwelcome sexual advances (short definition).  She never told these men their actions were unwanted/unwelcome.  You can’t assume someone knows they have crossed a line or that their comments are unwelcome.  The comment about wanting to play with a Mexican was crude, to me, but for all we know that guy might have thought the comment would be a turn on to Mrs. Sainz (come on ladies we have heard worse pick up lines from men).  Obviously it wasn’t a turn on but just as she couldn’t know whether he was being purposefully crude or really thought he was wooing her, he couldn’t know it was making her uncomfortable.  That is why even the law says you have to put someone on notice that their actions are unwanted before you can have them punished for sexual harassment (there are some specific actions like groping and touching that are punishable instantly but not comments and catcalls).

5.    Last but not least, the locker room debate.

Folks that debate is done and over with.  Some very amazing female sports reporters broke through that debate years ago and settled it.  Those women faced harassment, real harassment, and it is insulting to akin what Mrs. Sainz experienced with what those brave women faced.

Men do go into women’s locker rooms and have been faced with catcalls and comments themselves.  Women can go into the locker room and shouldn’t be shut out of interviews but they need to remember where they are.  They need to remember what they are there for.  They certainly need to know how to stand up for themselves and ensure that they are shown the level of respect they deserve.

Personal responsibility comes first.  If you won’t be responsible for yourself, don’t expect others to be responsible for you.  Mrs. Sainz failed in several areas, in my opinion, but mostly she failed to take responsibility for her own actions and furthered that by not speaking up for herself.  You can’t rely on others to do right by you if you will not do right by yourself.

momwine glass