Mom vs. the World

My 9year old son told me last night he would rather live with his mother. I feel hurt and upset, I'm trying to understand how he's feeling. I have had custody of him since he was 3 but have always been in his life. He was hurt in his mothers home when he was 3 and I fought like hell to get him and keep him safe. Now at age 9 we pretty much have a 50/50 parenting plan, hes in my home 5nights one week and 3the next. He told me that he would just be happier if he moved with his mom (but would come visit me once in awhile). I just feel crushed and not sure how to handle it, my first reaction is to just say no. He was nearly killed by one of her ex boyfriends and i dont feel safe turning him over to her but i also dont want him to be upset with me. I have maried since his mom and I split up, married nearly 5years now. I feel like this might be comming from him feeling like hes not #1 in my life, having to share me with my wife and step daughter. I never seem to be able to spend enough one on one time with him to make him happy, i just don't know what to do or say. I'm not just going to let him go with his mom full time, hes with her 40% of the time already. I also don't want to make him resentful.

My rather mature 8 year old asked that she stay in Alaska and move in with her dad when my fiancé, two year old (who has a diff father), and I move to Hawaii after Christmas so my fiancé can take a job there where a lot of his family is. She very articulately told me he told her she can go to the school our cousin attends, spend afternoons at our aunt's until her dad or his gf (of 3+ years) can pick her up. She's spent 1-2 nights a weekend with him for the last several years and he's a great parent now. She was born when we were both still in high school but he's a journeyman and I'm a teacher. I'm just sort of struggling with similar sad feelings that she didn't jump at the idea of coming with me. I've had her her whole life. I realistically know she will always be my daughter and I'll always be her mom. I know we can talk and skype and she can visit. I even know that she may choose to come to Hawaii after the school year if living with her dad isn't what she thought. It still hurts though. And I know that she may NOT change her mind and that hurts too. I've raised her to be independent and she's wicked smart. It'll feel better later, right?

Three months ago, my six year old son and I moved away from my ex (my son's father). The ex was never involved in my son's life – and yes, we lived in the same house, but I did everything and had to nearly force him to do anything with my son. My son is very well behaved and smart beyond his years. My ex and I have about a 70/30 split with access to our son, with me having the 70%. I can tell that the separation is impacting him. He is starting to act out some and be more demanding with "I want you to play with me" ALL THE TIME. I spend alot of time with him, but being a single mom, there are things that need to get done around the house or errands, etc. The other night my son was acting up and I gave him a stern, "if you continue" (with the behaviour) you will not be able to watch cartoons for one week. I left him to have a time out and when it was over he said "i want to go live with my dad." Of course this broke my heart and I think I handled it okay, but would like to have some feedback on ways I can respond in instances like this, because I'm sure this isn't going to be the last of comments like this. Any feedback is appreciated.

Isn't the dad a parent too? Why do you feel that you have more of a right to have your child live with you than their dad? Do you have no compassion for a father who wants to spend more time with their child but is being blocked by a overbearing mother?

Can u help me because im a child that wants to live with his dad and I hate and sometimes like her. But I prefer my dad. Can I do anything about it?

For a second there I thought I was writing a post. Same here. I raised my son fron 2 yrs. thru 16 yrs. and he decided to move with his mom. I am totally devastated and depressed as well and it has been 5 months. I still cannot get over it and do not understand. we had a very good relationship and we spent a lot of time together. I honestly have not figured out how to cope with it. I just try to keep in touch everyday and take advantage of the times he does visit.

Hi there! My son & I have been on our own since he was 1years old. He's now 13, has become unrulely and I've had to make several trips to the principal's office in the last years. I've asked his dad (whom he visits every 2nd weekend) to step up & be more involved. After this weekend's visit he comes back with the news: "My dad said I can come live with him. My brothr also wants me there & my stepmom is also excited to have me. I'm thinking about it."….. My heart drops to my knees. I know (think) this might be what he needs. He starts high school next year and I want what's best for him. This could be just the kind of change around he needs in his live right now. But my heart is breaking non the less. I feel selfish about thinking what others would think…. this bad mother letting her child go. I'm also affraid that this might not be the best choice. I just wnat him to be happy. My heart is breaking… I don't know how to let him go. I'm all he's ever had….. How do I do this?

I have read many many posts here and mostly see a son/daughter leaving their mother for the father and visa versa.
The situation that I am in is; I am the father who has had partial custody for nearly 10 years. My kids were 6 and 3 when my wife left me for another man. That alone was heart breaking enough, but for years I was being more heart broken because I was being left out of their everyday events. IE: Plays, sports and other accomplishments. Not because I didn't try or because I didn't want to. It was always because it was kept from me or I was lied to.
I have had my kids every other weekend for the past 10 years and every time they leave to go back to their mothers, it hurts. Not because they are in her care, but because I miss them and they are great kids.
Now, my son is 16 and he is not happy with his mother. He has been talking personally with my new wife of 3 years and they have a very good, open relationship. She gives him good advice and treats him fairly, like a young man should be treated. mostly she tells him that his mother loves him and he should talk to her about their falling out,etc. Well my ex-wife just can't handle that, and I understand to a point, but rather than being upset/jealous of the situation, embrace it, understand it and try to alleviate the stress our child is going through.
Anyways, now my son is thinking about telling his mother that he wants to come live with me. While it over joys me, I know it will devastate her.
I'm not pleased by that thought in any way, but I can't help but be happy thinking that my son finally wants to be with his dad.
On that note, knowing my ex-wife, she will do everything in her power to stop him from making this decision including lying to him about me or my wife…she is just despicable at times and ruthless for that matter.
I know what you're thinking, we need to get along for the kids. Well that's the whole thing about this story. I have been very good with this whole thing for 10 years and she has not. I have sat back and had great times with my kids when I have them and she has done everything in her power to ruin it. Hence "Left out Father". She has even told me to my face that she can't wait until I no longer have to be "dealt with."
It's sad, because I feel I am a good person and a good father.
I have told my son that the door is always open, he is always welcome. All I have asked in return is a good reason that he would want to live with me rather than is mother. Here it is:
1. Because my dad deserves everything that my mother had and more because he missed out on so much, and I missed out on so much with him.
I think that is a very good reason and it makes me smile ear to ear.
Why so much turmoil inside then????