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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
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Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
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One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Thursday December 14th 2017

Everyone Knows, Why Won’t Anyone Help?

mom says
Bullying is all over the news right now. Magazine covers profiling some kid somewhere that has suffered at the hands of bullies and heart wrenching stories of kids who have taken their own life. The reporters interview the family and friends and we find out that these kids weren’t alone. We find out that people knew they were being bullied. Teachers knew, friends knew, other kids in the school knew and sometimes even the parents knew these kids were being bullied.

It amazes me that everyone knows it is going on but yet kids are still dying from it. Why isn’t anyone saying anything while it is happening? I see all the reports from well meaning classmates and friends, of the kid being bullied, speaking out to the press and doing interviews. Where the hell were you when this kid was being bullied? Why is it only after they are dead do you speak up?

Teachers, classmates and friends all witness the daily torment these kids are going through yet do nothing. Only once, so far, have I read about another kid standing up for one of these kids being bullied. He got suspended afterward but at least he did something. These are not silent, unnoticed events going on. Kids come out in droves after one of the “friends” kills themselves to talk about the torment. I just don’t get it.

Bullying has become an epidemic. It is not just mere teasing anymore. It is not just some insecure kid making himself feel better by picking on other kids. Those kinds of bullies would back down if you stood up to them. The bullies of today are mean, vicious and hateful. They are telling others kids to kill themselves and making them feel like they have no one in the world and everyone hates them. If a kid stands up to them, it just fuels the bullying and makes it worse in many of the cases.

Gone are the days of “sticks and stones my break your bones but words can never hurt you”. Words can hurt and they are hurting these kids. It is psychological murder! They tear these kids down with daily torment until the kid feels there is no other option but suicide. One parent asked the coroner to put bullicide on the death certificate instead of suicide. That parent gets it so why aren’t other parents getting it?

It is not just the fault of the bullies. The bullies are the main culprits but I also blame the so called “friends” and classmates who sat by silently and did nothing. The ones who are giving interviews about how sad they are that they have lost their friend and then go on to tell the tale of the daily torment they witnessed. The ones who could have also told some other adult, parent, teacher, school official or even police officer what was going on when it was happening. Coming out after the fact does no good.
bullying circle

I also blame the teachers and school officials. This mentality that the parent is the only protector of their child is ridiculous. As a parent it is my job to protect my child but when I turn my child over to the school it now becomes the schools job to protect my child. School is suppose to be a safe environment. Parents are suppose to be able to put their child on the bus or drop them off at school and know that child is safe. I have been inside a classroom and they are not so vast that a teacher is unaware of what is going on. Teachers are turning a blind eye because they don’t want to get involved. You became involved the minute you became a teacher and walked into that classroom.

There are articles being written with an undertone of blame the victim. The kid being bullied should have stood up for themselves, told their parents, reported it to the teacher themselves. Why would they? They walk through the halls of school daily and get abused and tormented with everyone watching. Everyone already knows they are being bullied. Everyone sees it and does nothing to help. They look around and are all alone just as the bully wants to make them feel. They are standing in a sea of kids and adults all around them but feel all alone. It is no wonder that these kids feel like suicide is their only option.

We as parents need to talk to our kids about standing by and doing nothing while the bullying is going on. We need to get our kids to understand that is wrong to do nothing. Whether you find it acceptable to say or not, when you do nothing you are just as guilty as the bully. Bullies wouldn’t have such incredible power if kids would stop standing on the sidelines and watching.

Bullying is not a silent, unnoticed and unreported epidemic. It is done out in the open for everyone to see. There would be no joy in it for the bully if no one knew. You can walk onto any school campus and within minutes find out who the bullies are and who they are tormenting by talking to the kids and teachers. Kids and teachers know who the bullies are. Kids and teachers know who the bullies are tormenting. Yet the kids and the teachers are doing nothing.

Bullying is not going to go away just because the media is shining a spotlight on it. These bullies don’t stop even after the kids they tormented are dead. They feel no remorse for what they have done. No one cared while they were doing it, so why should they care now. Bullies feed off the fact that everyone knows what they are doing. They feed off the praise they get from their friends for making their victim feel and look bad. The media shining a spotlight on them only makes them pat themselves on the back for a job well done.

If we want bullying to come to an end, we need to make it a crime. We also need to start holding all the kids and teachers who stand by and do nothing day in and day out responsible. As a parent, you would be horrified to hear that your child or a teacher stood by and watched as another child get stabbed by a knife. You would be further shocked to learn that many kids and teachers saw this daily stabbing and did nothing. You would question why they didn’t report it. You would be shocked at the indifference. But we don’t question when it comes to bullying because its not a knife, its just words these kids are getting stabbed with. The result is the same though, a kid ends up dead. Everyone knows the bullying is going on, so why won’t anyone help?
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10 Responses to “Everyone Knows, Why Won’t Anyone Help?”

  1. Chris Hanson says:
    Are you serious? Why don’t they stand up? Because if you do, you’re the next victim.

    Maybe if ALL the non-victims stood up it would be a different thing, but bullies know to divide they opponents and isolate their victim.

    See, this is an asymmetric threat. Bullies (with the exception of some of the sports-jocks) often are students who already have blown their academic potential, yet legally they are supposed to stay in school. They have no motivation to play by the rules, and they know they’re not going to get rewarded for their academic achievements, so they look for other ways to gratify and amuse themselves during their time in school. If they do something and get busted for it, there’s little additional impact on their already-wrecked academic record.

    On the other hand, kids who get bullied are often the smaller ones, who don’t have any sort of sports potential, and so they’re working on excelling academically and intellectually. They’re staying inside the lines and protecting their GPA and making sure not to blow their college potential. THEY have everything to lose from fighting back and getting a black mark on their record.

    It’s never a fair fight. The bullies choose to make the competition physical, and choose the time and place for their maximum benefit. The victims have no choice in staging a competition where their own skills would be advantageous to them (what, Science Fair to the Death? FatalDebate?) and in fact would choose to avoid the whole incident.

    What’s the real cause? Artificial constraints. The victims (often the ‘nerds’) are there because they’re actually following the reward structure imposed by our education system. The bullies are often there because they are required to be there. When you get into the real world, and all those bullies hit the harsh reality of skills, dedication, paychecks and expenses, and end up working the night shift at Taco Bell while the nerds move on to a $-hundred-K-a-year career as a rocket scientist, the whole thing naturally self-corrects. The nerds, no longer constrained to play by artifical “everybody play nicely at our school” rules can happily call the cops or hire a security guard to beat the crap out of the bully if he comes by to harass.

    And even at work, while bullying can happen, usually management higher up recognizes that bullying doesn’t benefit THEIR interests, and will deal with it for their own reasons. And if they don’t one can always move on to a job with a different culture. I’ve seen companies run by bullies and nasty people, and oddly, they often seem to self-destruct and then the bullies are all being interviewed by their former victims at new companies. And THEN where is the power balance?

    Basically, school is a situation where academic excellence, weak physical ability and poor social skill all mark you as the weak gazelle of the herd while the lions circle. The lions don’t care about grades, they just want to tear up some gazelle. And the gazelle has no hope of employing the lions’ own strategies against them. Once a weak herd member is pursued by the lions, do you think any of the other gazelles are going to leap to its defense.

    And if you think telling someone is going to change ANYTHING, you’re deluded. Short of permanently expelling all the bullies (and banishing them from the region), all that’s going to do is open the victim up for MORE RETALIATION.

    • mikeylee31 says:
      So what survival of the fittest, if you make it through school then the balance of power changes? Get real.

      What happens to your theory when all these “nerds” are dead before highschool is over? Now we just have a bunch of kids who were bullies turn into adults who are bullies. Balance of power doesn’t change at all.

      I agree with the author – if these kids can run at the mouth to tv crews and magazine reporters they could have told someone. No fear of being the next victim, it just didn’t benefit them to say something.

      Kids today are messed up!

  2. Jon Harmison says:
    @Chris – what a coward you are. I hope you will at least have the stones to defend your poor children when they go through it.

    Bullying among children is a psychological impulse, similar to many others and is rooted in a childs need for attention. Unlike in adult life (when bullying can be subtle and very private), childhood bullying is by definition very public. There’s no need to ‘stand up’ to the bullies and risk getting bullied themselves, kids just need to be taught that bullying is childish and stupid, and they’ll stamp it out through social engineering – if it’s seen as being childish and ‘uncool’, kids will naturally shy away from it.

    The key is to teach the children *before* it happens, they’ll encourage others and then if and when it happens in their social circle – they deal with it. Simples.

    • Chris Hanson says:
      @Jon:

      Oh, I’m working on keeping my kids safe.

      And I’ve yet to see anyone here, especially anyone putting down my views, suggest anything that would actually work/help.

      “kids just need to be taught that bullying is childish and stupid, and they’ll stamp it out through social engineering – if it’s seen as being childish and ‘uncool’, kids will naturally shy away from it.” — Yeah, you let me know how that works out for you.

  3. mom says:
    Well made point Jon…if children are taught to find bullying as unacceptable, instead of “just the way things are”, then collectively they will put a stop to it when it happens.

    Bullies derive their power from the attention it brings them. Take away that attention and acceptance and it will have an impact on this epidemic.

  4. Muffler says:
    Hi thanks for yet another nice and interesting post. Where do you find your inspiration for all this :|?
  5. melissa Cottman says:
    My name is Melissa Cottman two girls threated to kill my daughter in front of the super indented and principal and myself i called the resoucre officer and he told me since Courtney didn’t hear it he couldn’t do anything and now 4 girls a bullying on her. The 2nd problems is my son was beaten by a boy after the school lied to me and my husband and said they were no longer in the same class. This is on video tape i watched it and they still wouldn’t let me press chargers because my son accordantly kick a teacher while he was being held by another teacher please help i don’t know what to do. They just made my daughter sign a contact without me or her dad there I have a copy of it my daughter has bruise from these girls punching her and the teacher’s holding her back from trying to defend her self from these girls Thank you Melissa Cottman
    • mom says:
      Apply for a restraining/protection order with the court. The school should be addressing it but I know first hand that school administrators don’t always.

      You can call the police and file a report as well. Even if they won’t do anything, you can take the police report to the hearing for the restraining order. Call the local police if they refuse, call the county police next. If both refuse right down who you talked to and provide their names to the court at the hearing.

      Take pictures of your child’s bruises and if you have the video you mentioned it is also evidence. Any documentation the school gave you is evidence as well.

      Applying for a restraining/protective order varies from State to State. There are assistance programs in most states to help you. Call the clerk of the court’s office and ask for the forms for filing a restraining/protective order.

      Don’t let the police or clerk try to talk you out of it; this is your children and they deserve to be protected!

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