Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful
Thanksgiving Football shopping pumpkin pie fall leaves turkey dinner Family pilgrims blessings cornucopia peace love thankful

One empowered woman's struggle against the world
Saturday December 15th 2018

My Child Doesn’t Want To Be In School – Help!

mom says
I am usually the one who is giving the advice or making the suggestions but right now I am at a loss and need help.  My 13 year old son has absolutely no desire to be in school.  His father and I have been dealing with this since he entered kindergarten.  We had a brief reprieve in the fourth and fifth grade but then he went right back to hating school and still does.

Background

In kindergarten thru third grade, our son made a point of getting thrown out of class or sent home every chance he could.  He learned quickly with each new teacher what buttons to push that would get him sent home.  At one point, he was sent to a special school for kids who didn’t know how to behave for 90 days.

His dad and I figured out he was not a bad kid early on but it took the school much longer to see it.  Once we realized and convinced the school that he was only acting out to get sent home and not because he couldn’t control his behavior the school made exceptions to keep him in school.  In no time at all, my son figured out the things that would force the school to send him home no matter what.

Our son’s test scores are amazing.  He was tested for the genius program and missed it by 2 points.  He is a very smart kid.  He is extremely logical about things and I think that is part of the problem sometimes.  Every year the FCAT (Florida standardize test) results come out and he is well above his peers.  So the problem is not learning that he can do and has no issue with.

When our son wants to learn he will do it.  When he enetered fourth grade he had a teacher who somehow got him to work.  Our son went to class everyday, only got suspended 1 time (down from the 7 times the year prior) and seemed to have taken a shine to school.  We thought maybe he had just matured and realized that he was going to have to go school.  Fifth grade went just as well with a different teacher.

Last year the same behavior started again right at the end of the year.  It was like he was done.  He complained of being bored, complained about not liking the other kids, complained about not liking the teachers and just overall complained about school.  The principal put him in honor classes this year to try to deal with the boredom issue but it is not working.

What we have already tried

His dad and I tried pyschiatrists and pyschologist to figure out what was wrong with him or what could be causing his behavioral issues but neither of those worked.  He was tested for all kinds of things and at one point he was deemed to have ADHD and put on Adderall.  All that did was make him sleep in class, which did keep in school but not in an educational manner.  We stopped the Adderall after another doctor said he didn’t have ADHD or at least that wasn’t the problem.  Adderall doesn’t make kids with ADHD behave it makes them focus.  Our sons problem had nothing to do with focus at all and he could behave if he wanted to behave.

We have tried punishment and encouragement.  We have grounded him, taken away his toys, taken away his beloved video games and the internet.  His father is works in the Corrections (jail) field and even took him through the scared straight program.  He has been offered money for good grades hoping that would be incentive.  We went the reward him when he has a good day and doesn’t get in trouble route to no avail.  We even changed custody and he went to live with his dad for awhile to see if that would make a difference.

Nothing has worked.  We have talked to him till we are blue in the face.  He just doesn’t like school sorry he hates school.  He could care less about the punishments or the rewards.  Nothing bothers him at all.

Where we are right now

School started August 23rd and within the first week I got phone calls from the school.  My son wasn’t doing his homework at all.  I fixed that as best I could and now he is doing his homework.  Since that first week I have gotten phone calls, so many that at times I don’t even answer if it is the school’s number on the caller ID, from teachers about his lack of classwork or participation or disturbing the class.  The dean of students has called and asked to meet more than once.  I haven’t gone yet because I don’t know what more I can do.  His father is at a loss as well.

His father and I have agreed to go meet with the dean of students to talk about our son.  She wants to form a plan that will get our son interested in school.  Right now our son is failing for lack of doing classwork and when the dean spoke to my son, he told her he was concerned about it.  He isn’t concerned at all.  When I asked him why he told her that, he told me because if he told her how he really felt about school he would get in trouble.

So here I am going to go to a meeting where I really don’t know what to say or do.  My son likes to learn new things and he is smart and he does well when tested but he hates school.  How do you get a child to like school?  How do you get a child to care about school?  Do I punish him for hating school?  How do I get him to do his classwork when punishment or reward don’t work?  How do I make a logical argument for why he needs to be in school when he has an amazing grasp on logic and knows that “school” is not really needed but education is?

I am at a loss and need some help.  Has any other parent dealt with this successfully before?  Is there something I am missing?  Is there something else I could do?  Any comments, ideas, and/or suggestions are welcome.  I have to have this meeting in one week and right now I have nothing.

Join the forum discussion on this post or you can leave comments here (they are automatically entered into the forum).
momwine glass

Reader Feedback

12 Responses to “My Child Doesn’t Want To Be In School – Help!”

  1. LynnM says:
    Have you considered homeschooling?
  2. John Holder says:
    You need to be careful or you will have a bigger problem on your hands. If he misses too many days child services gets involved and then it is a mess.

    My daughter went through this and flat out refused to go to school from 7th to 9th grade. We tried everything but nothing worked. Her mother and I ended up in front of a judge trying to explain and we were threatened with jail time. Be careful!

    I wish I had some advice to give you but we didn’t know what to do either. The school, child services and the court were no help at all. They blamed us and treated us like we were bad parents.

    I hate to tell you this part but my when she turned 16 she dropped out of school and there was nothing we could do about it.

    We told her school or a job or find another place to live after we found out she dropped out. She went and got a job at Burger King and has been there for two years. She has no plans or aspiration to do anything more than that.

  3. Have you tried being consistent instead of trying all these different things?
    • mom says:
      I didn’t mean to come across so harsh to south-afrikaan-sam. This poor guy was just making a very valid point. Consistency is extremely important.

      The man in my life who pointed out my being inconsistent and not following thru where discipline was concerned was extremely vocal about it. You know when someone points out your flaws over and over again. He meant well and only wanted the best but as you may have noticed I get a little defensive when anyone mentions it. No one likes being told they are doing a less than stellar job at being a parent, even if the person is telling you out of love.

      I am way more consistent now and it has made a world of difference!

  4. coolNYmom says:
    I am with the don’t spank him group. JackTrek brought up a good point about abuse. Could he have been abused when he was little? Daycare or preschool even? There was a study done about dropouts and prior abuse rates. If I can find it I will post it.
  5. mom says:
    I have no idea why the comments are being separated out. If you want a more accurate view of the conversation thread…head over the forum it will make more sense.

    Sorry 🙁

  6. Shawn Moss says:
    Abuse…wtf??? Why are some people so intent on believing that every kid who has a problem has been molested? Did you read the whole post or just see the boogie man lurking in the shadows as you scanned for confirmation? A kid not liking school is normal. A teenager giving a mom trouble over school is normal.

    My two cents to the mom – stick to the rules you have set, be consistent, be fair and keep talking to him. He gets up and goes to school which is more than most kids trying to get out of going to school to do. Just keep making him go. If he fails those are the consequences for not doing the work. Let him learn by failing sometimes it is the only way.

  7. crystalbell says:
    Beatings…really? Abuse…seriously?? I think Melodie has hit on something with the shyness causing anxiety. I would start looking into that a little more.
  8. Carol says:
    Not to be a smartypants here but what you are talking about is not shyness it is SAD (social anxiety disorder). Here is good article about the difference from WebMD http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/just-shy-social-anxiety-disorder. It is possible that this could be a cause of his behavior but he has been seen a psychologist and I think they would have already looked into it. Never hurts to get a second opinion though.
  9. christianmommy says:
    I’m not sure what your religious views are but have you tried prayer. I pray for and with my kids all the time and it has a very positive impact on their life. You can accomplish so much through prayer and accepting Jesus into your heart. Kids are very susceptible to the evils of this world, once they take hold it is hard to shake them loose. I will pray for you and your son.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.